...And The Wellspring of Confidence
Exploring the root of ego and the wellspring of confidence to get 2025 officially underway.
The new year is well underway, and as it always does, time has been flying by. But I didn’t forget about you all OR my promise to come back and talk (or write) about the wellspring of confidence. My wellspring of confidence specifically, since it can be a wildly different source from one person to the next.
The ironic thing is, I’m not feeling very confident right now, which is perhaps the best time of all to explore the topic. The last few weeks have been challenging and exhausting on a personal front, and all but a stalemate on the professional stage. The entertainment industry gets stuck in a holding pattern over the holidays as stars reset their calendars, outlets rely on year-end-recaps, and everyone else is just holding their breath for the Grammys to get underway so they can monopolize on increased fan attention for tour announcements. On my end that means less to write about and lower reader engagement when I do, and when you measure your “value” by traffic statistics that can be a real buzzkill. That’s why it’s so important to have a solid foundation for confidence that isn’t all metric-reliant, so back to the questions at hand!
These are the questions and their corresponding answers from my end of the year survey, and it’s my hope that maybe one or two or a few can help you tap into the wellspring of your own creative confidence.
When was the last time you felt 110% sure of yourself?
It sounds cliche’, but I have that level of confidence a few times a day at the very least, and almost constantly when the weather is right and I’m well-fed. I’m 45 as of writing this piece and it’s taken a long time to learn that confidence is just a lack of self-doubt backed by experience with things working out. It’s not some brass ring you have to grab onto and swing from one challenge to the next. It’s more like a pool you add to every time you succeed or get something right, or receive a compliment.
What really shakes your confidence?
Like anyone else, there are things that niggle at my nerves and make me less sure of myself… my recent hunt for more profitable prospects has been a big one. Something about laying all your experience and skills out like a buffet only to get passed over by every professional diner has a way of making you question whether those skills still have any value. Other things that can shake my sugar tree are challenges my kids face that I somehow didn’t prepare them for, or when I can’t answer like an oracle what they ask in regards to politics, investing, or the ancient history of Mesopotamia. My youngest (twins) are 22 and somehow they outgrew believing mom knows everything and have to rely on faulty internet searches like the rest of us now.
Where do you think your wealth of confidence comes from?
Being hyper-independent is both a blessing and a curse. For the purpose of this discussion we’ll just focus on the blessings, and one of those is that for most things in life I try to do them myself before I ask for help, and I’ve got a fairly high success rate at those attempts. Getting things right adds to that pool of ego pretty effectively. I try not to look at failures as drains from the pool either… only opportunities to learn from experts whatever it was that I didn’t get right on my own.
Who do you look up to as icons of ego? Who embodies the kind of confidence you aspire to?
I had been dating the Mister for a few years before the opportunity came for him to meet my maternal grandmother. By that time she was in a full time assisted living facility, and was starting to have a few rough days here and there. The impact of her presence and attitude was something I was never quite able to put into words for him, so I knew it was massively important to his understanding of me that he get to meet this woman in person while we still had the chance to make that happen.
We made the 2 hour drive, scooped my mother up along the way, and arrived at the facility just as my grandmother was entering the lobby. She saw us, and I barely got the introduction out of my mouth when she looked him up and down with bright playful eyes and drawled out “Dahhhhling, you may kiss me now.” She then proceeded to shamelessly flirt with the man through dinner and demand another sweet kiss before retiring back to her apartment at the facility.
This was her. Mother of 6. A wealthy woman on her own. Traveled. Cultured. On the board of several art societies and a botanical garden. Her very best friend was a professional clown she met while dabbling in Vaudeville in the 50’s. Impeccable taste in music, food, art, and everything else she weighed in on. Impossibly self-assured and with good reason. And I am her granddaughter. We share a family history and that confident blood runs through my veins.
What past experience gave you the ""I overcame THIS so I can do THAT" mindset?
The list is honestly endless, but the same theme runs through it all. I never quit. Quitting was never an option no matter what kind of Dateline / Netflix-worthy insanity surrounded me that would likely permanently incapacitate any sane person. I overcame poverty, abuse, multiple SA’s, cubicle farm employment in the 90’s… you name it, I powered through. There’s very little that can shake my nerves after knowing I’ve been interviewed by FBI agents and in turn have interviewed massive celebrities. The pendulum swings wide in life and I’m just pulling a Miley and swinging along with it.
Do you have a confidence-boosting mantra or affirmation?
“I run this fucking show”. For better or worse, I am in control of my life as much as anybody can be. That means when things are going badly, I have the power and personal fortitude to turn them around. And when they’re going great I can pat myself on the back, pour a round and sip my way to self-congratulation.
Women tend to take responsibility for all the stress and worry of the world, but then demurely blush and wave away the compliments that come their way, but I decided a long time ago that I wouldn’t be like that. Life is hard so when you get a win, celebrate it. Own it. Add it to your gold star chart and buy yourself a personal pan pizza!
Do you carry or keep a physical token of some kind to help ground you when you need a little encouragement?
I’ve already written about the custom flask on my desk, but that’s just one of many pieces of armor or touchstones that help keep me grounded. These are a few of my favorites;
My trusty leather jacket. She’s about 20 years old with soft worn-in elbows and the strangest trinkets tucked in her pockets that have been picked up at concerts, art shows, travels, and bonfires.
My “bitch boots”. The knee-high black leather 4” block heel boots that help me stand out in a crowd and walk with confidence (and a surprising amount of ankle support thanks to a clever cobbler) at almost any in-person work function.
My Lion necklace. Myself and two girlfriends have matching lion pendants we wear that have a private meaning between us which links us together in everything we do. I don’t always wear mine but when I do, I feel their support in my endeavors.
What are three no-fear goals you have for your future?
1. Get a piece published in a respectable print publication like the New York Times, The Atlantic, Rolling Stone, etc.
2. Finish building our tiny cabin community.
3. Find the through-line in my essay writing practice so I can determine what kind of writer I really am.
If you had to walk out in the center of a stadium in front of a huge crowd, what would be your entry music?
What would you tell your 14 year old self about your life that would blow their mind in a good way?
Dear 14 Year Old Me,
You are a writer. Maybe not in the way you originally imagined, but you write for a living and you don’t spend your life in a cubicle listening to anyone tell you what to do. Music is part of everything you do. You become an excellent cook and a trusted friend. Kiss the boys. Kiss the girls. Let them love you… they really do want to. You are the center of a family that loves each other, considers each other, and cares for the quality of each other’s lives.
Drinking: Peach Bird Dog Whiskey over Ice
Listening To: Clutch… so much Clutch.
If you made it this far, please consider hitting that red heart to help me reach more readers! Cheers!